I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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