LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
