I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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