i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize