my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
