5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
