the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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