I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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