I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
how does that bad decision feel?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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