wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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