nut hugger
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
