If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The power of my boobs compel you
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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