Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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