Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
