gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
