God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I will die if light touches me.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
