Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
