It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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