im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
