I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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