just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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