just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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