I just cut my nipple shaving
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize