Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize