My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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