these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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