All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
