One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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