Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize