It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
