Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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