Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
