Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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