after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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