You're my little dorito
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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