i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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