Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
