There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
