She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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