my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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