MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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