you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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