I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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