I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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