I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
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Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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