oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
