I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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