Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
