watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
