tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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