halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
