R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
