I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize