I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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