oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
