I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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