she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
