thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
