I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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