I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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