When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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