Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
