Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
