In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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