I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
