This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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