In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
