Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
