I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
